Writing a eulogy is one of the greatest acts of love we can offer someone who has died. It’s a way of honouring their life, remembering their essence, and helping others find comfort in shared memories. But I understand, it can also feel daunting. How do you sum up a whole life in just a few words?
In my work as a celebrant and minister, I’ve had the privilege of helping many people write and deliver eulogies. Here are a few heartfelt thoughts to help you craft a tribute that truly reflects the person you’re remembering.
What is a eulogy?
A eulogy, or tribute, is a remembrance speech given during a funeral. It’s usually written and spoken by someone who was close to the person who has died, though sometimes it’s read by the officiant if the speaker prefers. Its purpose is to personalise the funeral, to give a voice to their story, and to help those attending connect with who they truly were.
A good eulogy shares more than just facts; it shares heart. It’s a time to speak from the soul.
What makes a good Eulogy?
The most meaningful eulogies don’t simply list achievements or life events; they help us understand who that person really was. What did they care about? What made them laugh? How did they show love?
Whether it’s a story about their kindness, their funny habits, or their fierce loyalty, these are the details that bring their spirit alive in the room. Often it’s the smallest stories, told honestly, that help everyone nod and say, “Yes, that was them.”
How to structure a Eulogy
There’s no strict formula, but breaking the eulogy into three parts can make the process more manageable:
- Beginning – Set the tone. Introduce your connection to the person. Share their main milestones, birthplace, family, career, and key life events.
- Middle – This is the heart of it. Talk about who they were, share vivid memories, character traits, funny stories, and what they meant to others.
- End – Offer a gentle close. Summarise the essence of their life and perhaps include a favourite quote, prayer, or reading. What do you want everyone to take away from the tribute?
Let the words be as simple or poetic as you need. Speak as if you’re talking to a friend, because in many ways, you are.
Five helpful tips for writing a Eulogy
- Write It Down – Even if you’re confident in public speaking, grief can be unpredictable. Writing your eulogy out word for word brings clarity, ensures nothing important is forgotten, and often helps with your own healing as you reflect.
- Ask Others to Contribute – You don’t have to do it alone. Ask family or friends to share memories or thoughts. Their perspectives might unlock precious stories or help ease the emotional weight of writing alone. If it feels right, invite someone to read a section with you.
- Keep It Timed
Aim for 3–7 minutes. This is usually just enough time to honour a life without feeling rushed or losing your audience’s focus. Practise reading it aloud, timing it and making gentle edits where needed. - Get Feedback – Let someone you trust read it beforehand. A second pair of eyes can help ensure your words are clear, kind, and balanced. They might gently spot anything that could be misunderstood or feel too raw.
- Be Sensitive – It’s a time of emotion. Steer clear of difficult topics or unresolved conflicts. A eulogy should bring comfort, unity, and grace. That said, a little humour, if it’s kind and fitting, can be beautiful. People often remember those moments of lightness with warmth.
Writing a eulogy is not about being perfect with your words; it’s about being sincere. It’s okay to feel nervous. It’s okay to cry. What matters most is that your words come from the heart.
If you ever feel stuck or overwhelmed in the process, I’m here. Helping people give voice to love and memory is one of the most sacred parts of my work.
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Written by Jon Matson-Higgins, Minister & Celebrant based in Lincolnshire, Cambridgeshire, Norfolk, Suffolk, Rutland and Northamptonshire.