As a funeral minister and celebrant working across Lincolnshire, Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, Norfolk, Suffolk, Rutland, and Northamptonshire, I often speak with families who quietly say the same thing:
“We don’t really know what happens.”
That is completely understandable.
For many people, arranging a funeral is something they have never had to do before. Even if they have attended funerals in the past, they may not fully understand how cremation works or what options are available to them.
My role is always to help families feel supported, informed, and reassured during what can be one of the hardest times in life.
What is cremation?
Cremation is the process of respectfully caring for someone after death using heat within a crematorium.
Today, cremation is one of the most common funeral choices across the UK. Many families choose cremation because it offers flexibility, simplicity, and personal choice when planning a funeral or memorial.
A cremation can be combined with:
- A traditional funeral service
- A religious service
- A non-religious celebration of life
- A memorial service held later
- A direct cremation without mourners present
There is no single “correct” way to arrange a cremation. Every family is different, and every service should reflect the person being remembered.
The cremation process explained
One of the questions families often ask me is:
“What actually happens during a cremation?”
It is a very natural question, and personally, I believe understanding the process can often bring reassurance and remove fear of the unknown.
Before the cremation takes place
Before any cremation can go ahead, several legal checks and documents must be completed.
These include:
- Registration of the death
- Medical certification
- Cremation paperwork
- Authorisation from the crematorium
Crematoriums follow very strict procedures and regulations to ensure everything is carried out correctly, respectfully, and safely.
Once all documentation has been completed, the cremation can then be arranged.
Arrival at the crematorium
On the day of the funeral, the coffin is brought into the crematorium chapel for the service.
Families may choose a fully religious service, a non-religious ceremony, or something that combines both.
The service itself is often highly personal and may include:
- Music
- Hymns
- Readings
- Prayers
- Eulogies
- Family tributes
- Visual presentations
- Moments of reflection
At the end of the service, the coffin may remain visible, move behind curtains, lower from view, or stay in place until the chapel has emptied.
This is entirely a personal choice and depends both on family wishes and the crematorium facilities.
Identification and care procedures
Every crematorium follows strict identification procedures throughout the entire process.
A unique identification system stays with the person from the moment they arrive at the crematorium until the ashes are returned.
This careful process helps ensure complete dignity, accuracy, and reassurance for families.
Many people quietly worry about this, and crematorium staff understand how important this reassurance can be.
The cremation itself
After the service has finished, the coffin is respectfully taken into the crematory area.
The cremation takes place privately and individually.
The coffin is placed into a cremator, which uses very high temperatures to carry out the cremation process. This usually takes between one and three hours, depending on various factors.
Modern crematoriums operate under strict environmental regulations and use advanced filtration systems to reduce emissions and protect the environment.
Throughout the process, dignity and care remain central to everything that happens.
Preparing the ashes
Once the cremation has been completed and the ashes have cooled, they are carefully processed into the fine ashes families are familiar with.
The ashes are then placed into either:
- A temporary container
- An urn chosen by the family
- A keepsake vessel
The ashes are clearly identified before being returned to the funeral director or directly to the family.
Receiving the ashes
Ashes are usually available within a few days, although timings can vary between crematoriums.
Some families already know what they would like to do with the ashes, while others prefer to take time before making any decisions.
There is no pressure to rush.
Families may choose to:
- Scatter ashes somewhere meaningful
- Keep them at home
- Bury them
- Place them into a memorial garden
- Divide them among family members
- Create memorial jewellery or keepsakes
What matters most is doing what feels emotionally right for you and your family.
Choosing the right crematorium
Across Lincolnshire and the surrounding counties, there are many crematoriums available, each with its own atmosphere and facilities.
Families I support often choose crematoriums such as:
South Lincolnshire Crematorium
Counties Crematorium, Milton Malsor
Some crematoriums feel very traditional, while others are more modern in style. Some have larger chapels for bigger funerals, while others offer more intimate surroundings.
I always encourage families to choose somewhere that feels comfortable and appropriate for the person they are remembering.
Personalising a cremation service
One of the biggest changes within funerals over recent years is the move towards more personal and meaningful services.
Modern cremation services are no longer expected to follow one standard format.
Families now regularly include:
- Favourite music
- Personal tributes
- Visual photo presentations
- Family participation
- Candles and symbolic moments
- Poems and readings
- Religious or non-religious elements
- Moments of silence and reflection
- Cultural traditions
- Humour and storytelling
Personally, I believe a funeral should reflect the real person rather than feeling formal or impersonal.
Some services are quiet and gentle.
Others are uplifting celebrations of life.
Many are a mixture of tears, laughter, memories, and love.
Direct cremation explained
Many people now hear the term “direct cremation” and wonder what it means.
A direct cremation is a cremation without a formal funeral service at the crematorium.
Usually, there are no mourners present at the crematorium itself. Families may then choose to arrange a memorial service or celebration of life later in a setting that feels more personal.
For some families, this approach feels simpler and less pressured emotionally. Others prefer the structure and shared support of a full funeral service.
Again, there is no right or wrong choice. It is about what feels right for the individual person and those closest to them.
Support during difficult times
One of the things I often say to families is this:
You do not need to have all the answers immediately.
Many people feel pressure to make quick decisions while still trying to process grief and shock.
Part of my role as a funeral minister and celebrant is to gently guide and support families through the process, helping them understand the options available while creating a service that feels personal, respectful, and meaningful.
A funeral is not about perfection.
It is about love, remembrance, and giving people the opportunity to say goodbye in a way that feels right for them.
If you would like to learn more about me, my background, and the services I offer, please visit my About Jon Matson-Higgins page or my Funeral Celebrant page.
I have created some basic information to help guide what to do after someone passes away, and some resources to support bereavement. I understand that planning a ceremony can sometimes feel overwhelming, so if you have any questions or would simply like an informal chat, please feel free to contact me through my contact page.
The information given in this blog is for information only
Written by Jon Matson-Higgins, Minister & Celebrant based in Lincolnshire, Cambridgeshire, Norfolk, Suffolk, Rutland and Northamptonshire
FAQ’s
What is a crematorium?
Over the years, crematoriums have changed greatly and many now offer warm, modern, and peaceful surroundings designed to help families feel comfortable during a very difficult time.
Every crematorium is slightly different. Some are traditional in appearance, while others are more modern. Some chapels are small and intimate, while others are able to accommodate large numbers of mourners.
As part of my role, I can help guide and support you through the process and explain the options available at your chosen crematorium.
What happens during a cremation?
The process uses very high temperatures over a number of hours. Once completed, the ashes are carefully prepared and placed into either a temporary container or an urn chosen by the family.
Many people understandably have questions about the cremation process. I always believe it is better to ask questions and understand what will happen rather than worry in silence.
How long does a cremation take?
The funeral service held in the chapel is separate from the cremation process. Most crematoriums allow a set chapel time, often between 20 and 45 minutes depending on the venue and booking.
Some families choose a longer service if they would like additional music, readings, hymns, tributes, or moments of reflection.
I always work carefully with families and funeral directors to ensure the service fits comfortably within the allocated time while still allowing space for personal moments and reflection.
Can we witness the cremation?
This is a very personal decision and not something every family wishes to do. For some people it can bring comfort and reassurance, while for others it may feel too difficult emotionally.
Policies vary between crematoriums, so it is important to discuss this with the funeral director or with me during the planning process.
Do we have to use the curtains at the end of the service?
Many crematoriums offer different options at the end of the service. Some families choose for the curtains to close around the coffin, while others prefer the coffin to remain visible until everyone has left the chapel.
Some crematoriums use curtains, some use doors, and some have no visual separation at all.
There is no right or wrong choice. This decision is entirely personal, and I will always explain the options gently so you can choose what feels most comfortable for you and your family.
What happens to the ashes after cremation?
Families then have several options available to them. Some choose to scatter the ashes somewhere meaningful, while others keep them at home, place them in a memorial garden, bury them, or divide them among family members.
There is no pressure to make immediate decisions. Many families take comfort in knowing they can take time before deciding what feels right.
How long does it take to receive the ashes?
Some crematoriums can make them available sooner if needed, while others may take slightly longer depending on weekends, bank holidays, or demand.
Your funeral director will usually collect the ashes on your behalf unless other arrangements have been made.
Are the ashes definitely those of my loved one?
Crematoriums follow extremely strict procedures and identification processes throughout the entire cremation journey.
Every stage is carefully documented and checked to ensure the ashes returned are those of your loved one.
I know this is something many families quietly worry about, and crematorium staff understand the importance of this reassurance.
Can personal items be placed into the coffin?
Many families place letters, photographs, drawings, flowers, soft toys, cards, or small personal items into the coffin.
Some items, such as batteries, certain metals, or electronic devices, may not be permitted.
If there is something special you would like included, I always recommend checking beforehand with the funeral director or crematorium.
Can jewellery be cremated with someone?
However, it is important to understand that jewellery is normally damaged during the cremation process and cannot usually be recovered afterwards.
For this reason, families sometimes choose to remove sentimental or valuable items beforehand.
What should people wear to a cremation service?
While many people still choose traditional black clothing, more families today are choosing colours or more relaxed clothing styles to reflect the personality of the person who has died.
Some families request bright colours, football shirts, casual dress, or specific themes.
What matters most is that people feel comfortable and respectful while attending the service.
Can children attend a cremation service?
Children are very welcome at funeral and cremation services if the family feels it is appropriate.
Many families worry about whether children should attend, but children often cope better when they are gently included and supported honestly.
I usually encourage families to explain beforehand, in simple language, what will happen during the service so the child feels prepared and reassured.
What music can be played at a crematorium?
This may include hymns, classical music, modern songs, favourite artists, instrumental music, or even recordings of family members speaking.
Music can play a very important part in creating atmosphere, reflection, and personal meaning within a service.
I always encourage families to choose music that genuinely reflects the person rather than what they feel they should choose.
Can we include religious content in the service?
A cremation service can be religious, non-religious, spiritual, or a mixture of all of these.
Every family is different, and every person’s beliefs and wishes should be respected.
As a non-denominational minister and celebrant, I regularly create services that include prayers, hymns, blessings, scripture, moments of reflection, or entirely non-religious content depending on what feels right for the family.
What is direct cremation?
Usually there are no mourners present, and the cremation takes place privately.
Some families later choose to hold a memorial service or celebration of life in a venue that feels meaningful to them.
For some people, this simpler approach feels right emotionally, practically, or financially.
Can we personalise the funeral service?
A funeral should reflect the life, personality, values, and story of the person being remembered.
This may include favourite music, readings, poems, visual tributes, photographs, symbolic acts, candles, family participation, humour, hobbies, cultural traditions, or quiet moments of reflection.
No two lives are the same, and no two funeral services should feel identical.
What happens if somebody becomes upset during the service?
There is no expectation for people to “hold it together”. Grief affects everybody differently.
Sometimes people cry openly, while others sit quietly in reflection. Both are completely normal.
Part of my role is to gently guide and support families throughout the service, allowing space for emotion while helping everyone feel safe and supported.
Can we visit the crematorium beforehand?
Visiting beforehand can help reduce anxiety because you become familiar with the chapel, seating, layout, music system, entrance, and surroundings before the day itself.
Some crematoriums may also allow you to discuss practical arrangements or special requests during the visit.
I often encourage this if families feel nervous or uncertain about what to expect.
Who arranges everything with the crematorium?
This includes booking the chapel time, arranging paperwork, music, visual tributes, webcasts, and other practical details.
I then work closely with both the funeral director and the family to create and lead the service itself, ensuring everything comes together smoothly and respectfully on the day.