There is something about the sea that stays with people.

I've lost count of the number of times I've met with the family of a Royal Navy veteran and, before we've even begun discussing the funeral, someone has started talking about life at sea. They tell me about the ships their loved one served on, the places they visited, the friendships they made and the stories that were still being told decades later. It quickly becomes obvious that, although their time in the Royal Navy may have ended many years ago, it remained an important part of who they were.

Perhaps that's because the Royal Navy isn't simply a career. For many sailors it becomes a way of life. Living and working at sea creates friendships and experiences that are difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't lived them. Spending weeks or months aboard the same ship, relying on one another in every situation, builds a bond that often lasts a lifetime. It is those friendships that families so often tell me about when we begin planning a funeral.

One of the things I enjoy most during funeral arrangements is hearing those stories. They are rarely about medals or promotions. Instead, they are about the people. They are about shipmates who remained friends for life, adventures in ports around the world, moments of laughter in the middle of long deployments and a quiet pride in having served their country. Those memories tell me far more about the person than any service record ever could.

When families want to include Royal Navy traditions within the funeral, my advice is always the same. Choose the traditions that genuinely reflect the person. Military customs can add tremendous dignity to a service, but they should never overshadow the individual we have come together to remember.

For many families, one of the most meaningful symbols is the White Ensign. Seeing it carefully draped over the coffin immediately tells part of the person's story without a single word being spoken. It represents years of service, commitment and belonging, and for those who served beneath it, it often carries enormous emotional significance.

Many people don't realise that the White Ensign isn't buried or cremated with the coffin. Before the committal takes place it is respectfully folded and removed, often before being presented to the next of kin. It is always carried out with great dignity and, in my experience, it becomes one of the moments families remember most. The flag that once represented their loved one's service becomes a treasured reminder of everything those years meant to them.

Families will often bring other items too. Medals, a naval cap, photographs and sometimes a favourite picture of the ship on which they served all help to tell the story of a remarkable chapter in someone's life. Preparing these displays often leads to conversations between generations, with children and grandchildren discovering things they never knew about their parent's or grandparent's time in the Royal Navy. Those conversations are every bit as important as the funeral itself because they ensure those stories continue to be told.

Another tradition that many naval families choose to include is the poem Crossing the Bar. I've always thought it captures the spirit of a naval farewell beautifully. Its imagery of leaving one shore and setting course for another has brought comfort to generations of sailors and their families. Like so many military traditions, its real power lies in what it allows people to feel rather than what it simply says.

Music also plays an important part in many Royal Navy funerals. Some families choose traditional hymns such as Eternal Father, Strong to Save, whilst others prefer music that reminds them of their loved one or reflects their years at sea. There is no perfect choice. The right music is simply the music that helps tell that person's story.

One thing that never fails to move me is seeing former shipmates arrive at the funeral. Sometimes they haven't seen one another for years, yet they gather as though no time has passed. The warmth with which they greet one another speaks volumes about the friendships formed during naval service. Those bonds were created through shared experiences that very few people outside the Royal Navy will ever fully understand, and it is a privilege to witness them coming together once again to honour one of their own.

Families sometimes ask whether they should include military traditions such as the Last Post, standard bearers or a guard of honour. There is no expectation that they should, but when these elements reflect the wishes of the person who has died, they can add tremendous dignity to the service. The key is always balance. The funeral should never become about military ceremony alone. It should remain focused on the individual whose life we have gathered to celebrate.

For me, the committal is always the heart of the funeral. It is the point where stories become farewell. If the White Ensign has been folded, the Last Post has been played or a period of silence follows, those moments often say more than words ever could. They acknowledge a life of service, but they also recognise the husband, wife, parent, grandparent or friend who will be so deeply missed.

Perhaps that is why one particular naval expression has endured for generations.

Fair winds and following seas.

Most people understand it as a wish for a safe journey, but I think it means something even more than that. It is a farewell filled with gratitude, affection and respect. It acknowledges the years spent serving at sea while wishing peace for the journey ahead.

Every Royal Navy funeral reminds me that, although ships eventually return to harbour and uniforms are carefully put away, the friendships, values and memories created through naval service never really disappear. They live on in the stories families tell, in the traditions they choose to include and in the lives of those who had the privilege of serving alongside them.

That, to me, is what a Royal Navy funeral is truly about. Not simply remembering a sailor, but celebrating the person whose life was shaped by the sea.

If you would like to learn more about me, my background, and the services I offer, please visit my About Jon Matson-Higgins page or my Funeral Celebrantpage.

I have created some basic information to help guide what to do after someone passes away, and some resources to support bereavement. I understand that planning a ceremony can sometimes feel overwhelming, so if you have any questions or would simply like an informal chat, please feel free to contact me through my contact page.

 

The information given in this blog is for information only

Written by Jon Matson-Higgins, Minister & Celebrant based in Lincolnshire, Cambridgeshire, Norfolk, Suffolk, Rutland and Northamptonshire