Funeral Etiquette

Attending a funeral is a sacred act of support and remembrance. But for many, especially if they’ve never been to one before, it can bring a lot of uncertainty about what to wear, where to sit, when to speak, and how to act. These questions are natural, and they come from a place of respect and care.

Below, I’ve shared some simple and thoughtful guidelines to help you navigate a funeral with grace, compassion, and dignity.

1. Who Should Attend

Unless specified as a private ceremony, funerals are open to all. You don’t need to be invited. Even if you didn’t know the person well, your presence can offer meaningful support to the family or a friend who’s grieving.

2. Children

Children are generally welcome. With older children, it’s kind to ask whether they’d like to attend and to prepare them for what to expect. Babies and toddlers may struggle to sit still, so sitting near an exit or arranging someone to help can ease any worries.

3. Different Faith Traditions

You are not expected to participate in religious rituals that don’t align with your beliefs. Attending in silence, listening respectfully, and offering your support is more than enough.

4. What to Wear

The rule of thumb: dress modestly and respectfully. Dark colours, such as black or navy, are most traditional. If a dress code has been given—like a request for colourful attire in celebration—try to honour it.

5. What to Bring

Come prepared. Consider bringing:

• Tissues
• A sympathy card
• A cherished memory to share
• A donation (if requested)
• An umbrella or weather-appropriate clothing

6. Entering the Funeral

At church services, guests usually arrive and sit before the coffin is brought in. At a crematorium, guests often follow the coffin in. Follow the lead of the funeral director or officiant.

7. Where to Sit

The front rows are typically reserved for close family. Guests may sit anywhere else, but it’s good to spread out so the family doesn’t feel isolated at the front.

8. During the Service

A few simple things go a long way:

• Arrive early no more than 15 minutes though
• Turn off your phone
• Refrain from whispering
• Don’t eat or drink during the service
• Join in where appropriate (such as hymns or prayers)

9. Leaving the Service

Guests usually exit row by row after the family. If there’s a burial or committal service to follow, check if it’s private or open to all before attending.

10. Taking Photos

Please do not take photos at a funeral unless you’ve been specifically asked or given permission by the family. This includes selfies and group shots. If you do take any, wait until the service is over and be discreet.

11. Social Media

Hold back from posting until the family has shared something publicly themselves. Even then, a simple comment or message of condolence is often best. Refrain from ‘checking in’ or tagging others at a funeral.

12. Offering Condolences

Many worry about saying the wrong thing, but simple sincerity matters most. Phrases like:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss”
• “You’re in my thoughts”
• “He/she meant a lot to me”
• “I’m here if you need anything”
  can bring comfort. If it doesn’t feel appropriate to speak on the day, send a card instead.

13. Showing Emotion

It’s okay to cry. You’re not expected to hold everything in. If emotion overwhelms you, quietly stepping outside is perfectly acceptable.

14. Sending Flowers

Before sending flowers, check the family’s wishes. If permitted, send them to the funeral director at least 48 hours before the service. Sympathy flowers sent directly to the family’s home are also a thoughtful gesture.

15. Funeral Donations

Today, many families request donations to a chosen charity instead of flowers. If so, follow their instructions. Some services offer donation boxes or online links. It’s a beautiful way to honour the legacy of the person who has died.

Grief is personal, and so is the way we honour it. By showing up with kindness, humility, and respect, you’re doing something deeply meaningful—offering comfort and presence to those who need it most.

If you’re unsure about what’s best or need guidance through the available options, I am always here to help.

The information given in this blog is for information only

For further information and resources, please click here.