Grief is one of the most natural and painful emotions we can experience.
When we lose someone we love, life can suddenly feel very different. Emotions can change from one moment to the next. One day may feel manageable, while the next may feel overwhelming.
Grief can bring feelings such as:
- Sadness
- Shock
- Anxiety
- Stress
- Anger
- Guilt
- Exhaustion
Sometimes these feelings appear immediately. At other times, they can surface months or even years later, often unexpectedly.
As someone who has supported many bereaved families across Lincolnshire, Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, Norfolk, Suffolk, Rutland, and Northamptonshire, I know there is no “correct” way to grieve.
We all grieve differently.
However, many people look for gentle ways to support themselves emotionally during bereavement. For some, aromatherapy and essential oils can offer moments of calm, comfort, and relaxation during difficult times.
Can essential oils help with grief?
Essential oils cannot take grief away.
However, some people find that aromatherapy helps support emotional wellbeing during bereavement.
Certain essential oils are believed to have calming and soothing properties. These may help ease feelings of stress, anxiety, restlessness, or emotional overwhelm.
Two of the most common ways people use essential oils during grief are:
- Diffusing essential oils
- Aromatherapy massage
Both can help create quiet moments of calm and reflection.
Using essential oils through diffusion
Diffusing essential oils has become increasingly popular in recent years.
When essential oils are inhaled, scent molecules travel through the olfactory system to areas of the brain linked to emotions and memory. Because of this, certain scents may help encourage feelings of calm and relaxation.
For example:
- Lavender is often used to promote relaxation
- Bergamot may help reduce stress and tension
- Neroli is commonly associated with emotional balance
Many people find comfort in creating peaceful spaces at home where they can sit quietly, reflect, remember, or simply breathe.
Aromatherapy massage and grief support
Aromatherapy massage can also help support emotional well-being during grief.
Massage combines the therapeutic properties of essential oils with the calming effects of human touch and relaxation.
During bereavement, people often carry stress physically as well as emotionally. This can lead to:
- Muscle tension
- Fatigue
- Poor sleep
- Restlessness
- Low energy levels
Massage may help ease physical tension while also encouraging relaxation and emotional release.
For many people, simply taking time to slow down and care for themselves can make a real difference.
Essential oils often used during grief
Different essential oils may support different emotional experiences linked to grief and bereavement.
Essential oils for shock, stress, and anger
In the early stages of grief, emotions can feel intense and overwhelming.
Calming essential oils may help support the nervous system during this time.
- Examples include:
- Lavender
- Bergamot
- Sandalwood
- Valerian
Essential oils for anxiety and guilt
As the initial shock begins to settle, feelings of anxiety or guilt can sometimes appear.
Some essential oils known for calming and soothing properties include:
- Jasmine
- Lemon
- Melissa
These oils are often associated with emotional balance and relaxation.
Essential oils for sleep and fatigue
Grief can deeply affect sleep.
Many bereaved people experience insomnia, disturbed sleep, or exhaustion.
Relaxing essential oils that may help encourage rest include:
- Chamomile
- Lavender
- Frankincense
Creating a calming bedtime routine can sometimes help support better sleep during difficult periods.
Essential oils for sadness and emotional pain
Sadness can feel heavy during bereavement.
At times, grief can leave people feeling emotionally drained and disconnected from the world around them.
Some oils traditionally associated with emotional comfort include:
Melissa
Often linked with calming the nervous system and easing emotional distress.
Jasmine
Traditionally used to support confidence, comfort, and emotional strength.
Frankincense
Known for its grounding and calming qualities, especially during reflection and remembrance.
Essential oils for hope and acceptance
Over time, grief changes.
That does not mean forgetting someone. It simply means learning to carry their memory differently.
As healing slowly begins, some people continue using essential oils as part of their self care and emotional wellbeing.
Balancing oils often associated with this stage include:
- Ylang Ylang
- Rose
- Neroli
Sometimes, certain scents can also trigger comforting memories of a loved one, which can feel deeply personal and meaningful.
Speak to a qualified aromatherapist
If you are considering aromatherapy or essential oils to support you through grief, it is always important to speak with a trained aromatherapist.
A qualified professional can help recommend oils and treatments that are safe and appropriate for your individual needs.
Final thoughts
Grief is not something we “get over”.
It is something we slowly learn to live alongside.
During bereavement, small acts of self-care can sometimes help us find moments of calm in the middle of emotional pain.
For some people, essential oils and aromatherapy may become part of that support.
Whether it is the comfort of a familiar scent, a quiet moment of stillness, or simply taking time to breathe, these
Essential oils should not be taken orally or ingested
The information given in this blog is for information only
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Written by Jon Matson-Higgins, Minister & Celebrant based in Lincolnshire, Cambridgeshire, Norfolk, Suffolk, Rutland and Northamptonshire.