The ‘Firsts’

Losing someone close to us changes everything. In the days and months that follow, many find the first year to be one of the most difficult to navigate. It’s not only the absence of a loved one—it’s the sudden presence of what we call the ‘firsts’: the first birthday without them, the first Christmas, the first time their favourite song plays on the radio, or the first time their name is no longer on a card. These moments—whether expected or sudden—can feel overwhelming and disorienting.

I, Jon Matson-Higgins, Minister & Celebrant, understand the importance of acknowledging and preparing for these experiences. While nothing can remove the pain of grief, there are ways to support yourself or those you love through this journey.

The ‘Firsts’ You Might Encounter

The Big Diary Dates

Some firsts are easier to see coming—birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other milestones. These are moments usually filled with joy and celebration, but after a loss, they can feel painfully empty. Planning for these dates—whether that means creating space for solitude or surrounding yourself with family—can help you regain a small sense of control.

The Unexpected Firsts

Other firsts come quietly: the first time you receive a letter without their name on it. The first time, you instinctively go to tell them something and realise they’re not there. These seemingly mundane moments can be deeply triggering and may feel harder to prepare for. Being aware that these may arise can help you meet them with compassion, not surprise.

The Future Firsts

Some firsts come years later—weddings, new births, graduations—landmarks where their absence feels especially poignant. These events can rekindle grief in ways that may take you by surprise. It’s okay to revisit those feelings and acknowledge their place in your life.

Ways to Care for Yourself Through the Firsts

Be Kind to Yourself

Grief has no fixed timeline. You may feel okay one day and broken the next. That’s natural. Allow yourself to experience your emotions without judgment. Speak to yourself the way you would a dear friend—gently, with patience and kindness.

Plan Where You Can

For anticipated firsts, consider making plans in advance. This could mean taking a day off work, surrounding yourself with people who understand, or even spending time alone in a way that feels meaningful to you. Having a plan gives structure to days that might otherwise feel chaotic.

Create Space for Remembrance

Lighting a candle, planting something in their memory, visiting their grave, or sharing stories with others—these small acts can be incredibly comforting. Over time, these rituals can become touchstones that help you reflect not only on the loss but also on the love and connection that remain.

Talk to Someone

Grief is not meant to be carried alone. Whether it’s a friend, a support group, or a bereavement counsellor, speaking openly about your loss can be one of the most healing steps you can take. Sometimes, just having someone witness your experience can bring profound relief.

Support Is Available

There are many organisations and professionals who can help you during this time. Jon Matson-Higgins, Minister & Celebrant, I am always here to support you—not just with the funeral itself, but with the long road that follows.

If you are in need of bereavement support, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. I can connect you with trusted local and national organisations that offer grief counselling, helplines, and ongoing emotional support.

Please click here for my contact details